ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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