I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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