Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
