im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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