M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
