Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
