Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
