I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
