Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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