they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
