3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Vodka?
Forever.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
