Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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