she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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