i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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