Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
