fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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