I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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