Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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