the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
