I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
