Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
