ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
