Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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