i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
