Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
