Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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