you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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