other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
