Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
