White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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