i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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