i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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