one two three fourrrrnication!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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