THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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