I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im having a threesome with these popsicles
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
