if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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