Do you still have your period?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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