Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
