We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
