How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
