Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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