Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
