i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
