areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
