Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
