went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
