Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
