do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
