Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
