if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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