So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
