I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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