where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
So. Much. Porn.
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