I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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