I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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